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The Ribbon - Care for Caregivers
Volume 3, Issue 2
January 28, 2000

Here we are beginning the New Year on a hectic note. My grandfather who has Congestive Heart Failure, took a serious turn for the worse right before Christmas. We did not think he would make it to see the new year come in. Well, he has and boy has he. His health has improved a good bit but sad to say his mind has been taken over by dementia. It has caused a good bit of confusion for my grandmother who has Alzheimers because he was her safety net. She no longer knows whether to believe him when he says something or not. It has caused a few problems because she still wants to depend on his mind and of course that's not possible. They have always been independent people and up until now they haven't needed a tremendous amount of help other than physical help. It has been hectic to try to keep things healthy and safe when they are both suffering from dementia now. They are still able to stay at home since I live next door but I know the time is coming when they have to be placed in Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. I have already begun the search.

So now you know the reason The Ribbon is late, but it does have a positive side to it, you will receive two issues in a weeks time. heehee
Hugs, Jamie

Long-Term Care Insurance
By: David L. Coffelt, Long-Term Care Insurance Consultant

My vision for the Seniors and their families is that with my 13 years of experience as a Long-term Care Insurance Consultant, that I am able to encourage you to Plan, Prepare, and Face Reality against the very HIGH RISK of needing some form of Long-term Care Service. The long-term care services that you or a loved one may call upon someday vary from Nursing Home Care, Home Health Care, Assisted Living, Personal Care, Adult Day Care, Respite Care, and Caregiving Support. Without looking into all of the available options, and by not taking the time to plan accordingly then you or a loved one may be faced with serious financial, emotional, or physical devastation. Additionally, if you happen to become a Caregiver, as I have, you may also face many emotional breakdowns which may affect other areas of your life within your family structure and job performance. The KEY POINT is to take the time to plan now before it's too late. Today, there are only limited ways to pay for long-term care services in our Society. Primarily, the only three ways to pay for these services in our Country Today are Cash (Yours), Public Assistance (Welfare) or Long-term Care Insurance - (Other People's Money).

Long-term Care Insurance is not for everybody - but it is for everybody who has either income or assets (or both) worth protecting. 70% of retirees (65 and over) will require some sort of long term care before they die (Nursing Home, Assisted Living Facility, Alzheimer Center, Adult Day Care or Home Care). Regardless of which one they'll need - it's going to cost a lot of money! How would you pay for it?

Here are the facts outlining the growing need of long-term care services:

  • By age 65, 10% of the population has Alzheimer's Disease, or a similar form of irreversible dementia.

  • For every person in a Nursing Home, there are 4 people who receive care at home. (Caregiver Burnout)

  • Before 1900, only 1 in 10 people lived to age 65.

  • Today, 9 out of 10 people live to age 65 and beyond.

  • 50% if women age 65 and over will spend time in a Nursing Home before they die.

  • 33% of men age 65 and over will spend time in a Nursing Home before they die.

  • 70% of one of a couple age 65 and over will spend time in a Nursing Home before they die.

  • The average stay in a Nursing Home is 2 1/2 years.

  • 1 in 5 of those in Nursing Homes are there 5 years or longer.

  • The average cost of a Nursing Home is Eastern, Western and Central New York today is almost $70,000 per year - and it goes up each year.

  • The fastest growing segment of our population is the group over age 85

  • For those that reach age 85, there is a 70% chance that he or she will need Nursing Home Care.

The Odds are very, very high, that you will need some form of long term care services in your lifetime. Nursing Homes, Assisted Living Centers, Alzheimer Centers, Adult Day Care Centers, or Home Care Agencies are in the business to provide these services. The only problem is their services have to be paid by someone, and that someone is usually you until you "spend down" your life savings to poverty level. Just think about if for a moment. When you really look at it, the most obvious, sensible and economic way to pay for the services you may need in the future is by purchasing Long Term Care Insurance while you are healthy enough to qualify for it. Do yourself and your family a favor. Take the action to preserve what you have worked a lifetime to accumulate. Look into the benefits of Long Term Care Insurance for you and those you love while you are healthy enough to qualify. Don't wait until it's too late! I hope my vision for you and your loved one's becomes enlightening and fruitful as we all learn more about current and future Senior Issues.

If you have Internet access I encourage you to research the related important links on my Web Page which I dedicated to the memory of my late Mother who spent the last 13 years of her life in a nursing home from her age of 57. My Web Page may be located at:

To request a quote on LTC Insurance or a presentation on Long-term Care financing options to your Group or Organization, please call my Office at 814-723-9663, or Fax your request to 814-723-0175.
I may also be reached through my email at or

David L. Coffelt
Long-term Care Insurance Consultant
4 Lucks Lane
Warren, PA 16365
Toll Free Voice Mail
1-800-861-0402 Ext 2920

Hello All,

I sincerely enjoyed meeting all of you and I hope that I have addressed some issues and concerns that many of you either currently are or will be going through very shortly. Knowledge is the KEY and I have plenty of that with what I have had to deal with personally and professionally.

Per our Chat on Eldercare and Long Term Care Financing Options as well as very briefly on Eldercare in the Workforce Issues that I tried to address on our short chat, I am sure you will find the following outline and links helpful for you or those you know who have concerns who are currently dealing with Eldercare concerns. I have presented several live presentations outlining the problems and solutions facing us as future caregivers for our loved ones and what financing options are available today.

My Outline includes how to pay for services under our current health care providers including qualifications under:

  • Medicare
  • Medicaid (Trust, Transfers, Penalty, Spousal Impoverishment Act, Obra, Look Back Periods, Etc.)
  • Long Term Care Insurance (What constitutes a quality carrier)
  • Nursing Home Coverage, Home Health Care, Assisted Living, Personal Care, Etc.
  • NYS Partnership for LTC (Only one of four states has this program)
  • Qualified Vs Non-Qualified Policies
  • Tax Deductions allowed. (C-Corp, S-Corp, Partnership, Individual)
  • Pending Legislation on LTC
  • Caregivers Concerns
  • Group Discounted Long Term Care programs
  • Q and A

I built a Web Page dedicated to the memory of my Late Mother who was in a Nursing Home for 13 years from her age of 57. This Web Page on LTC may be located at:
CAUTION: Seniors and Future Caregivers!

Link to my Bio and credentials on this subject:
David Coffelt's Bio and Credentials

Link to happenings in the Workforce and the issues of caregiving and long term care finance:
Outline of Eldercare in the Workforce "Hidden Problems and Concerns"

Outline of Benefits of the NYS Partnership for LTC:
NYS Partnership for Long Term Care Related Links

Avoiding Fraud when Buying LTC Insurance
Avoiding Fraud When Buying Long-Term Care Insurance: A Guide For Consumers

Link outlining the Profile of Older Americans
Profile of Older Americans: 1999

Story of an 8 Hour Shift in a Nursing Home
One Nursing Home Shift: An Eight Hour Story

Link of a New Carrier in NYS
Penn Treaty

I look forward to your review of the above Links and any questions you may have. I look forward to offering my knowledge to you and those you feel would have an interest in learning more.

Good Luck with all of your Caregiving Concerns and I look forward to keeping you informed with current and future issues on Eldercare Financing Options.

I just got this email from BRINet about the recent outage. It seems they had a pretty good reason for the outage, and by the solution they gave here, it seems will be even faster and more responsive than before. It's a shame this had to happen during our opening week, but hey, Xoom's managed to do worse... :)

Dear Network Member,

This message is to inform you of the recent network outage and to let you
know of the current network status.

We were recently placed in an unfortunate position when our uplink provider
informed us they could no longer service our network due to the extreme
growth of our network in recent months which was placing too much of a
burden on their systems. They were unwilling to come to new terms.

We have acquired a new high performance, dedicated global network which
enables a network capacity of OC3 and OC12 capabilities. [For those who do
not know what that is, it means we are now one hop away from the Internet
and there are no faster or better connections available]. We are at the top
and we are sure you will be happy with the results of our new network

We appreciate your understanding due to circumstances beyond our control and
we value your loyalty. If we can assist you in any way please reply at your
earliest convenience.


In Passing: Those We Must Remember

Dated 1/12/2000

To all my dearest friends...wanted to let you know that Mom passed away this morning...she went peacefully....she is now where she has long wanted to be...with my are still pending...Thank you all so much for your love and support...don't know where I would be without you....
Fondly, Donna a.k.a. H.A.Fly

Willo....I know I am not nearly as talented as you but here goes....

Your long time battle is now done
on to heaven you have flown.
To be with dad, and the angels above
just know that here on earth you are loved.
You will be missed, that is for sure.
The pain of losing you will be hard to endure.
So fly on Mom, with the angels on high,
and when I look into that nighttime sky.
Twinkling above your smile will I see,
and know that you are looking down on me.

Your Loving Daughter


Click here: Elder Service Inc., For Active Senior and Geriatric Care Consulting

E-Mail Bag


I came across this in the Winter 99 Alzheimer's Association Central Illinois Chapter Newsletter. It does not have an "author" persay, so I don't believe there will be a problem with using it. Here goes:

Ten Things I Have Learned Along the Way
by a Registered Nurse

  1. I've learned that a patient doesn't get Alzheimer's disease, a family does.
  2. I've learned to never argue with a person with Alzheimer's disease, they will always win.
  3. I've learned that when caring for persons with Alzheimer's disease, you have to be quick witted and have a very good imagination.
  4. I've learned that if I re-direct the Alzheimer patient with a big smile and a gentle hand, I can de-escalte the situation quicker.
  5. I've learned to laugh with my patients...not at them.
  6. I've learned you need a very good sense of humor and a lot of patience to be a nurse in this field.
  7. I've learned to know my patient's background so I'll be able to relate to who this person was before he was robbed of his talents and skills.
  8. I've learned to let the Alzheimer patient do as much as he can for himself.
  9. I've learned that while I cannot stop the progression of the disease, I can learn to adjust to the stages that my patients go through.
  10. I've learned that the touch of my hand and the gentleness of my voice are often more comforting than any medication.

Love Always,

P. S.: The address for the Central Illinois Chapter is 606 W. Glen Avenue; Peoria, IL 61614-4831; phone is 800-681-1181!

From SewingBabe

Dear Friends,

As many of you know I changed positions this year and no longer work at the day center. I am currently employed at as nursing home as a Dementia Coordinatoor. One of my duties include putting things together for the new deciated Alzheimer's unit in the Assisted Living building.

I am currently working on admission standards. What I want to know is what do you want a staff member to ask you before you place your parent or spouse in a program such as ours? We plan to have activities all day within a secure unit. There are 16 appartments with showers. The kitchennettes have refrigerators but no stoves. People would spend their day in the main activity rooms. There would be a community service outtrip once a week depending on local needs. CNA's would be on hand to give ADL care as needed and to pass out meds as needed. Most people would have pill packs or family would set up medication needs.

I hope that gives you enough information to start off with. Please give me any questions you would want to be asked by an admissions type person. Also if you can do it in the next week I would be most appreciative. I am to give a proposed assesment pack in two weeks and would appreciate input from people who would be doing this.

Thank You so much,


From NancCall

Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the Good Humor Mans story in the last issue. His moms "Erectile Dysfunction" did seem trivial to the memory loss we all struggle with every day. If we can laugh about it once in a while it deminishes its power over us. Thanks for a great chuckle. Nanccall

From IMISTY123

Just thought I'd write to keep you a little bit updated on things...I used to visit the Caregivers support chat room quite often while my dad was alive. He passed away almost three months ago, and have popped in just a little bit from time to time...

But, I have another dilemma, and I'm not sure if it is appropriate to address it in the chat room. It has to do with my mother.

My father had Alzheimer's, and had progressed rapidly, with a fast growing stomach cancer further complicating his situation, which eventually led to his death. Now, my Mom still feels his presence. In life, he always followed her around, was always by her side, almost to the point of annoyance...Now that he's gone, she feels a sense of freedom, release, yet, she still feels his presence, especially at night. She thinks he will still follow her around, and is sensitive to all kinds of noises in the house. My mother is still feeling the effects of his disease even after his death. I was wondering if you know if this is a common thing or not. I've persuaded my mother to consult with a counselor about this--she's seeing the councilor from the Hospice which was helping her to care for my father....

Anyway, I guess I was wondering if you ever heard of this kind of situation or knew of anyone who might be going through something like this....Let me know....And, also, let me know if I should address this kind of issue in the room. Something tells me I should not....

Take good care, and I hope to hear from you soon.


From Joibob

Hi Absolutely love the ribbon. Thanks. I am unable to access the new web site. If this is a temporary problem, I will just try again in a few weeks. Also do you have any suggestions where to look for possible ideas on foods, supplements, herbs, etc., for early onset A.D. (or any A.D.) We are willing to try anything (after I research it of course).
Thank you,
Sincerely, Jane Isbell


As always, thank you so much for the ribbon. Its esepcially enjoyable to have read the erectile dysfunction story! My husband and i have long lived with our concept of "laughing your way through Alzheimer's". and, as I am sure you all know, there have been moments that are just hysterical!

I met with my mom's doctor today.....a man i have grown to love and respect. Mom is dying from this hideous disease and it appears her time left is quite short.

You all have given me so much. I have shared this newsletter with many others. I would like to ask one more thing.

Mom's been in a nursing home the last four years. I would like to somehow show the staff the extent of my gratitude for the care they have given my mom and for the support they have provided to me. I would appreciate any suggestions about how to show my thanks to those who have given so much to us.

thank you, Cynthia

From PhoebeC 00

Thanks again. As usual everything I read the new issue there is at least one letter that touches my heart and releases the much needed tears that are collecting over the days.

From Shock2U

I only attended a few chats but enjoy your newsletter so much. The holidays have been tough, due to my Mom passing away Oct. 15th. I would have written sooner, but just to much going on. They did not do an autopsy but put down as "probable cause": Peripheral Vascular Disease & C.O.P.D......she fell and went to hospital on a Thursday night..wound up with broken ankle and diagnosis of C.O.P.D., was released Saturday and went quietly in her sleep early Friday morning...Drs. did not say she was dying..but I know she is at peace now..the initial shock of her sudden passing is wearing off....all her progress notes from the Home Health Care showed improvement. but we think what happened is they put her on a blood thinner and it opened up enough for a clot to get through...Godbless you and everyone who has helped people deal with being a "MOM TO THEIR MOM"...Cinde

From Dgcisme

I have received several e-mails from others concerning vascular dementia. I have not been able to respond to all them as of yet. I am working in Dallas on my mother's rent house and hope to be finished within the next month. I wanted to assure them I have not forgotten and will respond as soon as I get back. Until then I wanted to advise them that all the information on coping with Alzheimer's will apply to Vascular Dementia as it presents itself with Alzheimer symptoms in most cases....the forgetting, short term memory....accusations....lying ......hiding well as the physical problems that can and do occur. The sad drawback is that vascular dementia is a degenerative disease and there is no set amount of time for each plateau as they decline in health.

I'll be back home before too about a week. Until then take care all....together we can help one another to cope. If as caregivers we do not take the time to take care of ourselves we cannot properly take care of the ones we love.

Love to all...


Hugs and Peace,

Karen (KMenges581)
Jamie (DrMOM1955)

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