Eyes That Don't See
Douglas K. Thompson (DKThomp)
Many people ask me how Ann
is doing and my first thought is to say she is oblivious to all.
But that is not quite right for once in a while there comes a
twinkle in her eye or a smile on her face and that makes my day.
But much to the time oblivious does describe well how she is. I
wrote this in my journal this the other morning trying to gain
some solace in writing about this struggle. I will share it with
July 30, 2000. It the past few weeks a profound change has taken
place in Ann. She is less and less aware of her surroundings. I
can look her in the eyes and I am sure she doesn't really see or
at least doesn't recognize what she is looking at. The cognition
between what her eyes see and the imagery in the mind is just not
there anymore. I fear there is a great chasm of nothingness has
opened in her mind. The black hole that has sucked in all her
memory has also swallowed her general awareness of her
surroundings. In one way this is a blessing, for just maybe she
is no longer able to understand her own plight. It would be
unbearable for me to know she is conscious of what is taking
place and a prisoner to this affliction without any help or hope
of responding. The one great comfort I have is that I know down
deep within her heart and soul she still knows that all is well
with her soul. One of our favorite hymns has always been "It
Is Well With My Soul", and now so more than ever; the first
verse is especially cogent.
I am sure that all is well with her soul for this is the great
promise of Romans 8:16, "The Spirit himself beareth witness
with our spirit, that we are the children of God." Without
this assurance I could not continue daily caring for my beloved
Ann. When this all started, Ann wanted to share the living hope
she has in Jesus. We find this rich promise given to all God's
children in I Peter 1:3, "Blessed be the God and Father of
our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath
begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus
Christ from the dead." These promises are true and though
she can't say so anymore I will declare for her that her faith
and hope is still alive today.
I have tried to say in poetry what I see happening to her today,
and the hope I have for her restoration of joy in the Lord when
God sends for her to come to the home that He has prepared for
Her eyes stare but no message they share.
A treadmill of travail, mind is not aware.
Her eyes look, yet they hunger to see.
Oblivious to all she doesn't know me.
Chambers of imagery gone from her mind.
The black shadow of forgetfulness is kind.
She has eaten the bitter herbs of this affliction.
Cognition fleeting by this sinister imposition.
Struggling for knowing all but gone.
Blissful nothingness her daily song.
More is less for eyes that don't see.
Light is empty she doesn't know me.
Her mind now a tangled web of dying cells.
Blocking pathways where memory dwells.
O Lord, call her home made for her above.
Restore her joy in the very presence of your love.
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